Stephen Clark
February 19, 2012
PAS 113B
Challenge My World
It was a gloomy, Saturday evening when my dad walked in the living room with the stench of Budweiser and throw up. I hated seeing him in this condition but, it was nothing new from the previous Saturday’s. I was surprised he even made it home without bumping into a few cops along the way. As he walked in, he threw his coat on the arm of the chair and his hat on the seat. He stared me down in my eyes as he walked past my door. I didn’t admire the feeling he gave off because I knew for a fact that I was not loved by him and I guess I was OK with that. I just find it funny how some lonely man can bring his only son with cancer into the world and not care for him deeply. When my dad sat down in front of the television, in his favorite chair, he dropped his can of beer and quickly fell asleep. I felt relieved that nothing dramatic happened like the last drunk experience.
The next day, I woke up to my mom crying in the living room. Weeping and sobbing over some pathetic loser who left her for some chick he met on his job route in Orange County. How sad. I was only 6 years old when he left me and my mom. It was fun just living with my mom and not worrying about violence or drugs. My mom and I built a relationship that could never be broken by the strongest man in the world. Unfortunately, that relationship came to a halt when I turned 16 and ended up getting my girlfriend, Destiny, pregnant. My mom was devastated when she heard the news and me breaking her heart is something that stayed on my mind ever since. The day Kaycee Jet was born; my mother was nowhere to be found. She never showed up to the hospital, she never showed up home, I just haven’t seen her the entire day. I knew how she was feeling but, it doesn’t give a reason to miss your first grandchild, especially when you have nothing to do. I have then realized that I lost my mom’s trust and I no longer have her guidance. A few weeks after Kaycee arrive home, my mother walks through the door with tears and a look on her face that clearly reads disgust. My mom walked straight passed us and into her room. She slammed the door with anger and indescribable force.
I knew from right then and there, I would have to give everything in my power to get my family back to our good graces. My girlfriend had to drop out of school to take care of the baby and the house so I decided to go back to school and carry on with my education. Two years later, I graduated from Community Harvest Charter School and received an acceptance letter from Cal State Northridge. I was an official first time freshman at a real university. It seems like that was the ticket to happiness. My mom started to talk to me but she still had little trust in me but honestly, I was more concerned with the life of my girl and daughter. The only thoughts that came to mind were I’m one step closer to a wonderful life and beating my cancer. I was once afraid of telling my friends and such about my cancer but my girlfriend made me feel comfortable about who I am and what I am here for. So I thank her each day she wakes up. Now when I see my first born child, I look deeply into her eyes to send my energy of love because I don’t want my daughter to be effected with what I have. The best thing I want for my child is a healthy life.
With college now in my every day plans, I have little time to spend with my two girls. Although I hate not seeing them, I still do my best to stay focused and on track. One day before Kaycee got her shots, my mother finally talked to me. Not really talked but, she asked me a question. She asked if I was happy. I don’t know if she was trying to make me think see how confident I am with my mistakes. I didn’t even respond to the question, I went right in on the topic of her and her anti love campaign lately. Soon after I finished we were already at my school and I was ready to get out but I never moved. She looked at me, then looked ahead, and never acknowledged my existence. I said, “Bye mom, I love you” but I got nothing in return. I stepped out the car with a tear in my right eye and didn’t shed any more than that. I think that was the last of the tears and pain. I have completely lost my best friend, my love, my mom. On September 13th, I lost my mind. Destiny got into a car accident with Kaycee in the car. My girls were OK but, the car was totaled. That was our only transportation. It didn’t stop me from going to school. I started to catch the bus. I hated it. It made me tired and I started to slack off in school. I knew Destiny would be upset but, everyone isn’t perfect. I was trying my best.
When I got home she started a bath for Kaycee and was ready for our round one argument. She loved me enough to keep me on track in school, knowing she could be doing the same. That discussion went on for hours. I became angry and selfish, so I left the room and went outside to think to myself. Destiny later came outside to console me and apologize. She was just being an awesome girlfriend. As we were getting up, we hear a loud scream from my mom and we sprinted in to the house. When we found my mother, she had her mouth covered and shock in her eyes. I walked into the bathroom and water was everywhere. Kaycee drowned. She died that night. This made me crazy and it built my strength. I had to do better. All I could think of was how I was the one with cancer and how come I couldn’t be taken away. But everything has its own purpose. So we lived.
